Bitch FEST Tuesday!!

EAM – gosh! It kinda sad, imagine all the stylists who made a name themselves cause of EAM, the photographers, the make-up artists! The messengers…it’s a fucking MESS…people don’t just leave like that! What happened to second chances! Now we’re left with African woman…which I’m pretty sure photocopies some of it’s pages! NKT!

Some young girls wanted to skin me a few weeks back – when I said James Smart had a face for radio…well jana he was co-anchoring with Peninah – Learning English – Karibe, and my pals who are very good at rating faces gave him a FF! Fucked Face hehe

Are the people calling on Kiss 100’s Rush Hour for REAL?? Wooow! I thought I had issues but wapi! Sijui one guy’s aunt wants a piece of him eeeek…some random mboch talking about how she’s giving her goods to the man of the house and his SON!

NTV kwani there was a buy one get one free offer on those silly Filipino soaps! Ama it’s just wanking material for Victor?? Have you noticed there are some actors who are in all of them!!

Belinda Obura, darling, babes LOSE THE FUCKING GLASSES!!!

KISS tv!! Where to start…please STOP repeating stuff aki please…and DNG errr NO COMMENT…and Classic TV needs to  get a life, we know you want to Tafrija all the time, but can you at least vet video quality!

First of all, not everyone is easy on the eyes!! So a few days back I was kinda shocked to hear a certain lady who is DEFINITELY not easy on the eyes complaining about her man! Woman, you’re lucky that fool looks past your obvious facial weakness!

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80 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anonymous on March 23, 2010 at 6:22 am

    On kiss Tv, what people realise, is that not anybody can be on TV…once you fail to realise that, thats where the downfall begins

  2. Posted by GossipGirl on March 23, 2010 at 6:23 am

    1. James Smart hurt my eyes last night. Really. They’re still smarting now! (pun intended) And that nose? I was waiting for Peninah, the camera men, the producers to all pass out for lack of oxygen! Then putting 2 people with ATROCIOUS accents on the same bulletin? #FAIL.

    2. When the south africans dumped Cosmo Kenya after only a few months, i was the first to heartily applaud! Cos it had like 20 pages of half-hearted kenyan content then the rest was actually SA Cosmo! But the magazines in the EAM stable were actually good! Times have been hard for everyone! Sigh. I’m sad.

  3. Posted by Satan on March 23, 2010 at 6:41 am

    Why dont we just get together and burn the NTV studio so that we dont have to see these Philipino bullshit! Local Tv is mafi ya mende siku hizi…as for DnG can u get a highly efficient moran to spear him right as he is hosting his show?ratings will go up.. And the retarded village idiot by the name Gaetano..ati hes such a kumbaff he doesnt know roman numerals..jana he read the popes name as Benedict XVI (ati ex vee eye) instead of the sixteenth watu wangu ….si tumchome tu?? Kwanza do you know that Tony Gathecha hobbit kako finger of God?or was he fired???? One of the two…hes no longer there…
    Someone needs to shave Belinda Oburas hair as shes asleep….and those glasses….she looks like a llama…
    Rama Nyang is an alien from the komshunti clan…thats the only way you can explain that big head and wire frame of a body….i hear he has to take two passport photos in halves so that dome of a head can toshea in full….
    See you in hell.

  4. Posted by IMHO on March 23, 2010 at 6:48 am

    Oh dear, satan, ROFLMAO. Seems like you woke up on the right side of the furnace

  5. Posted by Satan on March 23, 2010 at 6:53 am

    All in a days work my child! Hope to see you soon! @IMHO

  6. Posted by Gatz on March 23, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Someone needs to be hired to write a script for Dummy N Gas(DNG) show which he can then read on air..chao chao chao save for ua big ass n fake weng thea is nothing in between ua ears..n cess pliz drop that laughter it irritates the fucking hell out of sometimes..

  7. Posted by Anita on March 23, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Bitch fest….rocks…kwanza those soaps…its the vitimbi and vioja of Philippines…thats why we have the same actors and actresses…and by the way….the Kenyan Radio and TV is all about recycling and recycling the same old stuff…now its just thinning out……..next is a boring stuff…….

  8. Posted by c.n on March 23, 2010 at 7:40 am

    @ satan wewe ni satan kabisa! you made me laugh! ati ex vee eye! 😀 😀

    kweli its bitchfest Tuesday!!!

  9. Posted by hotstepper on March 23, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Eish!shetani thats some serious spitting you just did,ati Gae saays Ex Vee Eye? thats the dumbest thing i have ever heard!Next atasoma ENYCEE kama eh nice? lol!

  10. Those Filipino soaps rock!!!! They are the only reason to watch TV in the evenings son!!!!! I love Marimar!!!! Yes I said it!!!! hahahahahha!!!!

    As for James Smart…all that matters to me is the delivery…who cares what son looks like?

    Pamoja!!!!

    • Posted by hottie on March 23, 2010 at 11:12 am

      @bella when those boys said in their ngoma uko down tu sana i think they was thinking of ya !

    • Posted by sinamon on March 23, 2010 at 11:14 am

      hama uende phillipines, those soaps need banning.

      • Posted by Fresh apple on March 23, 2010 at 12:02 pm

        hope that satan dude takes u two haters to hell tonight! we all watch those things..the ladies to check out the fynnne fashion on those mamas and the dudes to ogle at those juicy latino asses, tits and filipino doll faces! so drop all the fake indignation..

    • Posted by vunja mandazi on March 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm

      You are obviously under hellon’s spell or work at the sisy studio

  11. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 23, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Haha. Satan release thy fury! Cess keep the laughter screw what gatz thinks. I heard rama (alien head) nyang was a matha-effing snitch bak in skul n pple used 2 beat the crap out of his fruity english accent face.
    Why the fuck does safcom send irritating repetitive spam messages! Someone invent an sms anti-spam.
    Cynthia makuyu(whateva her name is), go get a voicebox transplant, u sound like ur being choke by hot uji n stil tryin 2 talk.
    And its high time the do smething about the croaky voice weather chik on kbc….damn! She forecasts a sunny day bt her croak just makes rain.
    Philipino crap with cryin men, pathetic voice-overs….aaah, am stayin out of this one at the risk of rapturing a brain blood vessel

  12. Posted by DINGO on March 23, 2010 at 8:48 am

    What did i see yesterday on Citizen news! at 9…Kasavuli was stammering as hell. Citizen has too much vitimbi when it come to news delicery mpaka u forget that u were listening.Anyway its good to be innovative but with the dram that goes in their news room…..Its not worth it.. Moving on swiftly,James Smart,kindly clear ur throat or just do ur real voice i think it will take u far ahead when u real BROTHER!
    I predict K24 taking number 2 spot after citizen tv one of this fine days.
    what you think?

  13. Posted by fifi on March 23, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Hey,can someone tell me what is really going with EAM…. is it true they are closing shop?

    I am a subscriber of one of their magazines…..those idiots don’t even have the courtesy to tell me not renew
    my yearly subscription……

    • Posted by chez on March 23, 2010 at 10:58 am

      no, they arent closing they have been bought by a different company,so bussiness is still on

  14. I happened to come across tabasamu as I was flippin the channels jana night, the whole thing is pure crap and full of shit just like its sisters Nairobi law and that inspecta mwala! kwanza that guy acting as calvo, Gosh! hata afadhali mafillipino.

  15. Posted by victoriakings on March 23, 2010 at 9:06 am

    @ mwaxxist u still watch KBC i thought the station is now extinct!

  16. Posted by Kubaff on March 23, 2010 at 10:07 am

    @ satan. That’s some serious bullshit right there. Si umenipatia appetite yawa!

  17. Posted by sani aloo on March 23, 2010 at 10:27 am

    whoever writes this stupid media madness segment is the one who is mad…..u just hate…r u paid by ur stupid allies to beat on their enemies or what……..u need to upgrade and give real media gossip not hating on some pple…..u aint achieved anything so far no wonder ur blog cant even secure a commercial……u r a failure in life and all u can do is sit and do stupid stuff……u idiot

    Ed Note Sanai, how are you? Please, take time to read the 500+ posts here and understand the foundations of this blog. As for NOT achieving anything, let’s compare notes. At 22, I’ve achieved so much away from this blog, come and take a walk with me in my life. I hope you have health insurance, I might wow you into a sickness

    So my friend, pull the stick from your ass, sit back and be ready for more Bitch Fest Tuesdays

    • Posted by hottie on March 23, 2010 at 11:17 am

      @sani its media madness exactly and by the way there is a rule in life i think yu need to k now…..you should not judge others and i quote yu saying ‘ u r a failure in life’ who are yu to decide that? whether he is a failure or not its none of yr biz!!!! Ed you are crazy ati wow her in to sickness…thats massive lol 😛 pia wewe uko down tu sana…

    • Posted by MADDA on March 23, 2010 at 11:45 am

      OMG! you are 22…y do u act like u r ten?

      Ed Note As if ten year old – from where you come from – can fuck, drive, make money

  18. si muende Uganda kama hamupendi media yenyu?
    hehehe
    anyhoos…the media does as it pleases

    • Posted by chez on March 23, 2010 at 10:48 am

      sio sisi tuataenda uganda ni watu wenye wame come,they are supposed to understand us and how we talk and read things out

  19. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 23, 2010 at 10:46 am

    @victoriakings, u know that time when evrything is boring on telly n u just flip through stations and stumble on thingz 2 bitch about….kbc always takes it all.

    Sani aloo……(or are u james smart?? Hmm)…..ITS BITCHFEST TUESDAY….WE BITCH ALL WE WANT!….now stop being a bitch-blocker , otherwise, this is ur cue to go enroll urself to a retirement home and knit sweaters o smthing

  20. Posted by Lentils on March 23, 2010 at 10:46 am

    I hope i speak for most regular lovers of bitch fest tuesday when i say that sani aloo can shove his/her opinion where the sun don’t shine. Not because you have no right to an opinion, but because you missed all the other posts to come whine in the wrong one! Satan has tickled me seriously! One last thing, chics who don’t shave their armpits and insist on sleeveless tops, aki pris!

  21. Posted by Anonymous on March 23, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Thank u lentils!

  22. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 23, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Thank u lentils! Bitchslap the “loo”

  23. Posted by Be Positive on March 23, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Today’s blog …Comedy 🙂

  24. Posted by c.n on March 23, 2010 at 11:26 am

    @sani, you can go open your own blog and kiss ass as much as you want…..

  25. bitch fest rocks kip up guys,with the rate that am on the net reading ur comments on this blog, i guess i should expect a warning letter from my boss..lol….kudos en @sani gt the poits right

  26. Posted by Satan on March 23, 2010 at 11:48 am

    Sani a toilet…..you have come at a very bad time riding high on your punda…..you are a little idiot..coming here and insulting others(btw i have booked you a ticket to my premises later in your life) huku you talk shit and these people will finish you much to my delight because chaos is my thing….
    Kubaff you can be an imp down below…i would advice you though not to call my words bullshit….i have a nasty way of showing you that you are wrong….
    Bella, you are either a form four leaver or a mboch with internet..i like that you are here just contributing horse spitum…but you are too irritating to keep at my house you will be the first person i just burn haraka haraka….

  27. Posted by Kubaff on March 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    This is bitchfest Tuesday…hellloooo….!

  28. Posted by kawaida on March 23, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Bitch FEST Tuesday Rocks!!!

  29. Posted by Fresh apple on March 23, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    is it jus me or is yeye becoming too soft? ebu stop using those fine ladies u talked about to write the posts here.. all the nice talk is beginning to annoy we like it when u tell like it is and talk SHIT like ur at it! so bring the buffalo balls back to media madness….

    i need to bitch about that stupid jik commercial where some truant kid spays his shirts with lots of shit so as to miss school the following day..question is, y is the bastard so wide-eyed with furaha when mum shows him the sparkling shirts in the morning? did someone start writing the script, fell in a coma, woke up with amnesia to finish up the rest? kubaff for lack of intelligent plot..

    almost as irritating as that ketepa tea advert where the dad told the kid (in a strange alienish monotone) ”jane!! rudisha majani haya mabaya, halafu ulete majani halisi ya ketepa yenye rangi ya.. WTF!!!

    this morons should borrow a leaf from the loui the pest doom advert…loui is so cool and raps some off the hook rhymes and its clever that he never actually dies from insecticide…though his buddies do..

    Ed Note HAHA ati too soft – that’s what she said!!! Anyway – talkings ADS!!! Fuck that HELB ad! People who drive Benz’s have TIME to do their hair at home, then you have this shao looking ‘mum’ and two stupid tois in the ad!

    Then BEFORE I forget, radio ads walalala the strepsils one! Mwenye aliandika hiyo ni fala!

    Psssst – in the new site, we’ll be ‘reviewing’ ads – so send in your rants haraka upesi kamuiru@gmail.com

    • Posted by the saint on March 23, 2010 at 9:40 pm

      In real life that boy in the jik advert would be dead by now…ati i dont have shirts to wear..which african mum stomachs that shit …unless sensitive morons watching phillipino soaps

  30. Posted by Un-wrapped on March 23, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    @ Sani, i guess you can come and reside here in Kigali where ther is only one official national channel yenye inaanza ku air saa sita. And too bad if you cannot afford pay TV. Am sure you will have your balls flat and relaxed

    And @ Satan, leo you have hit it just right!

    @ Fresh Apple, yenyewe its time Kamuirustarts reviewing ads n the first one shud be the Ketepa and Jik ads

  31. Posted by hotstepper on March 23, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Moving onvery swiftly……This chic with some funny name on Citizen Kirigo ngarwa should hire a stylist,her wigs are the worst and some funny mathee coats she wears…mboff! I have seen her photos on fb and she has a cleavage to boot lakini on screen she turns out like a mathee wa woman’s guild!

    Adverts,that mbaba who sings for chicken in the YU AVDVERT just looks plain stupid! I wonnder what he tells his kids.They must be chongolewad at school.”Ati Ababa yenyu hufanya job ya kuimbia kuku zitage mayai!

  32. Posted by xtrix on March 23, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    me love bitch fest…wah!…made my day!hahahaha

  33. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 23, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Satan….uve made my day(that feels so religiously wrong)…haha ati a mboch with net! LMAO.
    Ad rants! The jik ad where the rugby short is torn then evryone is like shockd shitless…….what the FUCK! Kwani rugby is became fashion gig….

    Ed: gd idea on the ad rants. I have a million of them!

    Ed Note PLEASE rant for us kamuiru@gmail.com

    • Posted by the saint on March 23, 2010 at 9:43 pm

      Again jik advert should go back to the drawing board ama they go to phillipines …sensitive bastards

  34. Posted by bells on March 23, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    ha ha ha u just killed me with the ketepa tea advert. i always wondered if the producers of that advert specifically auditioned pple with the most monotonous monotone to decide who will get that part of the dad . That has to be among the worst adverts in time . Cant believe the producers were not beheaded .

  35. Posted by Lentils on March 23, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    The nation 50 year promo with staff singing and one mr. CEO acting like he’s in all 4 one or 98 degrees… Sigh! You pay your employees poorly and still manage to humiliate them by making them dance on a staircase and outside the building at night after no bonuses this year? Wa, guys must’ve felt weird! Robert nargilller looked stoned.

    Ed Note HOW COME I’ve never seen the ad???

    • Posted by the saint on March 23, 2010 at 9:45 pm

      ed kwani unalala? everyone in the ad looks like they had a gun on their head.

    • Posted by Mukio on March 24, 2010 at 9:37 am

      Ok! Who do the guyz @ NMG think they are kiddin’? Tulijua mambo zao kitambo sana. They are poorly paid but go around town like they own the place. I mean, where in this country have you ever heard a f****d up muhindi paying p’ple mzuri? But the Nation guyz are so brainwashed u feel sori for the bastards. U always hear figures being bandied left right and center but apart from the top brass hao wengine ni wasotaji kaa mimi! Mavi ya kuku. The 50th anni ad was just another Hellon to keep them in their Aga Khan induced stupor. Kwendeni kabisa. Silly!

    • Posted by nshale on March 24, 2010 at 6:26 pm

      lentils spot on!!! lol

  36. Posted by feng shui on March 23, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    all the reasons to not have a tv..clearly the news anchors still look and speak like death and commercials continue to irritate the hell out of all of you. nice rants, very nice rants.

  37. Posted by Pearl on March 23, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    I have beef with kedo 80% of the adverts on TV starting with sijui erial (sp) (funny looking mama’s) Tusker …no words, hedex na kadhalika …moving on .. satan made my day LOLest (its sounds wrong!!)

  38. Posted by kira on March 23, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    It was only a matter of time before True Love run out of stories from women in media and a few boring musicians.Kenyans got tired of their sob stories.So what becomes of Carol Mandi and her piano lesson?

  39. Posted by Monica Kamau on March 23, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    I hope that when someone criticizes you the same way you do others, you will take it with the same stride they are taking it. Karma is always on the look out. Most of your followers don’t know you use an alias.You hide behind Pius because you know Pius will never meet the different personalities you rubbish day in day out. Pius will never get to hear complaints above your satirical odes of their lives. If you really do love what you do. Be live Perez Hilton, Dude calls it as it is and everyone knows who he is and where to find him.

    ED NOTE So you want me to post my pics all over?? I’m not that vain – I’m not like Perez…he’s after fame – I’m not

  40. Posted by Haki Yetu on March 23, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    Comments are too funny!
    Thanks for the forum to vent – we have put up with crappy tv & radio for too long.
    @ Ed no need to even defend yourself to the ‘haters’ wacha wafungue blogs zao we see whose will have more traffic… Wenye wivu wajinyonge!
    I hate ALL the soaps – Mexicali/ Filipino/ Latino – even when the tv is on mute, i feel sick!!!
    With all the tv stations to choose from there is no variety! All the stations have news at 7 in Swa & at 9 in English! Is this entrenched in the constitution!!! All soaps also run at the same time, all music shows run at the same time – you flip channels & its pretty much the same thing!
    No wonder there is booming business for pirated Movies/Dvd’s for 50/- There is Nothing to watch on tv! Enough of the crap programing – we want better!

    • Posted by the saint on March 23, 2010 at 9:48 pm

      those crappy soaps have also infiltrated the dvd market..we’re running out of options. next will be dvds of the adverts

  41. Posted by Kitty on March 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    The energy saving bulbs advert…exorcizes z demons out of me… The only thing i hear is ….ttttttttttty my nephew says chapatiii… The crapiest ad afta kuku taga mayai

  42. Posted by mimi on March 23, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    On ads, am I the only one that find the del monte radio ads creepy?? These fruits are excited that they get to be chosen to be killed and blended into juice??? And the ribema berry that bursts???

    • Posted by the saint on March 23, 2010 at 9:50 pm

      the ribena advert should be discontinued…ati bursting with goodness…sounds like a suicide bomber to me. Kids are getting trumatised

  43. Posted by Satan on March 23, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Mimi, you are a very interesting character,you hvae made me Lmao over the delmonte picking and killing…lol…
    Harpic is a very irritating ad….why do all those mamas open the door and act like they have seen a walking talking maribou stork at the door?
    If doom is so good,why isnt mdudu Lui dead? Ama you guys havent seen he just returns with a new gang?
    Monica whoever you are,hapa hakuna saintly business like one a-loo will testify,get with the program or go touch touch yourself….
    Bitchfest Tuesday has been good. Editor,you had better give us smething to talk about kesho or i will give you hell….and by my name i think you know im serious….
    Yours trully.

  44. Posted by Kitty on March 23, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Satan the father of all Judgements wat’s your tk on Obrian Kimani of Shaaaanel 1

  45. Posted by Satan on March 23, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Haiya…theres someone by the name Obrian in the media???? Sounds like hes a geshagi guy who dropped his real name when he came to Nai. I wouldnt know…he doesnt seem worth talking bout…besides KBC peeps all seem like they are stuck in the stone age era…

  46. Posted by memyselfni on March 23, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Eh Satan,Hell burns hotter than Hellon’s hell today…I also wonder whats your take on those two wanna be’s on Kiss Tv giving us what they think is the low down on ‘cerebs’ pardon that on ”Apporro Carmau” of K24..and those ”masabuni” as my nephew call them,they really are over Tv,having grown up with better Tv since early days of KTN,I really do not know why their program guys get paid so much to go to SA twice a year and buy this sh*it
    and on to adverts..one or two catch the eye..especialy the one from SA with dancing teenage gals..lots of beautiful gals and all covered up booty…plus that small gal wh is all sads about her glutonous bro eating all that bread with blueband…totally believable

    @Editor,if you ain’t upping up your sh*t, my betting buddies ,me myself and I tell me Satan’s gonna take over soon

  47. Posted by memyselfni on March 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    @Yeye,and when you claim and are surprised that guys are calling Kiss 100’s Rush,have you given thought to the fact those ‘people’ cud be calling from Kiss 100’s offices and the techies play with them phone to make it sound as if these guys are calling from out there…?as in this is a set up…and they are no angels at Kiss

  48. Posted by Satan on March 24, 2010 at 3:21 am

    Like i to(d our dear bella, if you watch that shit on tv younare either mboch or have recently cleared high school…or are from the geshagi and are tryin to relate to the bullshit on yoir screen. I do not understand how the same story line over and over again can excite you so much…which makes me assume you are retarded coz you cant tell the difference….
    like i said earlier,killing DnG on set would boost the ratings too bad we cant kill him twice…
    Koinange 24…..im sure these people jold auditions vor fake accents then the winners and runners up are picked to actually report and read the news….and just last night i heard a loud clang like a sufuria got a mind of its own and hit the floor….kwani they broadcast from n appartment?

  49. Posted by kahuna on March 24, 2010 at 5:00 am

    I hope you have health insurance, I might wow you into a sickness….that just killed me right there

  50. Posted by Mavi on March 24, 2010 at 9:29 am

    i know am a bit late but ehhhh, James smart, aint nothing about his face, angebaki tu radio. the things we do for money! The only Ad’s in kenya that never disappoint are tusker yaani EABL ad’s they know how to shoot them and the content is right, script on point.

  51. Posted by Blip on March 24, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    what has KJ done to upset the people of Dago?????
    any news…
    sitting in upmartket resturant and some guys were ranting including a former eastlands MP. bout KJ dissing women in Dago…..
    some vowing he waont make next General election……
    Someone post

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