You asked for it (it was already in the works) so I asked the AD GURU to send in the ad reviews. This will be a weekly feature

Colgate HERBAL

I couldnt find the one aired in Kenya – but here’s one that’s along the same lines

What in makmende’s name was Colgate thinking about that ad. Ok so, some campo guys have gone hiking in a non-existent greenery waterfall-at least if they shoot it at Thompson falls it would have been believable. Then there appears a beaver. Kwanza, for the sake of my grandma’s lost memory there are no beavers in this part of the world. They are habitats of North America and some parts of Europe with claims of them been extinct there-google search it Danke!

Secondly that beaver speaks in English that is clearly not Kenyalish. At least if they chose another rodent, mammal or whatever that devours wood; even a goat would do and put a serious kuyu, Luyha or even jang’ accent it would have made it authentically Kenyan. The folly of these multinationals is to copy paste their ads in the west and spoon feed us. Dear misinformed Westerners we aint that stupid as you are made to believe! KAMON! Localise the dang ads… NKT and another NKKKTTT!

Sona Moja – Some type of pain killer

Moving on swiftly… one evening I was idly surfing when I came across a channel I thought was extinct-KBC. And there was an ad-Sona moja-which made me stay put. For one I thought the makers of headache had fired their ad agency and hired some slackers masquerading as ad people. Kwanza, the quality of that ad is very poooor with the picture quality been grainy-even my grandpa’s camera (those one where you had to place a black cloth over them) would have made clearer pictures. Secondly these people made a shoddy work by imitating headache.

Listen, Sona holdings the makers of Sona moja, if you gona shamelessly copy an ad concept can you please outdo the original makers. This ad just makes you such clowns, and if your idea was to be the butt of fat laughing stock, you win. Thirdly, them actors… waaaa! Even a brain dead octogenarian vegetable could have put a better act than these clowns! Mwala and that conductor did a very bad comical act! And for Pete’s sake fire that ad agency and get real ad people to do your ads. Shindwe! Am done ranting today!

Words – Ad Guru

90 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Satan on March 24, 2010 at 5:41 am

    On that note,who the hell is the script writer and director of Inspecta Mwala? Just afew weeks ago i was condemned to watching that load of chicken puke of a show and that philandering dwarf was smart enough to hide in freshly mowed grass!! And what are the bad guys supposed to think?that hes a giant mole having a bad day???and the way ati he crawls towards them..i was so mad i almost had a seizure.. And i have to insist on that harpic ad! Kwanza The fact that it is aired when ,my gravy is on the table is just annoying…..and please help me understand why these women act like they have just seen some kind of talking rodent wit a mic at their doorstep???nkt….and why are their loos so disgusting??kwani they eat thier food with a pinch of henna to leave those shit stains???nkt..

    Ed Note ‘kwani they eat thier food with a pinch of henna to leave those shit stains’ LMAO!

    • Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:01 pm

      Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Ei! Jachien!

      • Posted by hottie on March 24, 2010 at 5:31 pm

        ha ha ha yu guys are MAD SATAN are yu a writer i think yu could make a very fulfilled one!

    • Posted by julz on March 25, 2010 at 1:43 pm

      lol, i totally agree with u on the harpic ad, nyambane spoils it all by his shao look, the ad should be aired somewhere in kisii and not here. as for inspekta mwala, u nid 2 cut them some slack, the guys are trying.

  2. Posted by c.n on March 24, 2010 at 5:55 am

    the colgate ad made more sense when they used kids,the target audience was on point. But the current one with the teens is horrible! why do they scream “hello” at the end of the ad, i do not get the connection in relation to bad breath. because there is no place in the ad they show the guy brushing his teeth so ata akiscream hello, “harufu” bado iko!

    let me hate on a few other horrible ads:
    For YOU soap- the chiq in the advert looks like she is reading from the script and it therefore fails to look natural…and why oh why does the cute child in that ad have white braids!!!

    strepils- this is the cartoon version that has some guy trying to hit the bulls eye and he fails to hit the target why? because he has a sore throat. therefore he is offered medicine but says no and he reaches for the strepsils in his pocket.
    question? if he had it all along in the pocket what is the point!! (it would make more sense if it was vice versa)

    kplc ad- i do not get why they say chapatiii (ama i hear my own things!) this is the ad telling guys to change to energy saving bulbs

    toss advert(radio)- often played in kiss 100, the ad about “sbd sbd with mitumba high heels” it was ok. when it was new but its time has ran out…look for another concept

    but i have to say, i enjoy the new NTV 50 years celebration ad, sony sugar and geisha

    • Posted by Fresh apple on March 24, 2010 at 7:21 am

      on that ‘FOR YOU’ soap advert, why oh why do they make the poor kid say ‘i want my skin to look as soft and smooth as your!!!” WHF? i thought kids naturally have better skins that the bleached adults? so u see the problems this ads are creating…not only are they threating to give the likes of satan a brain aneurysm but this specific ad must have created some self esteem issues in this kid and 10yrs from now, someone wil be treating her for some body dismorphic disorder and stage 4 skin bleaching….foko njembes!

    • I wish you knew what goes on when people are being chosen to do ad’s. Therein lies the problem – then comes the scripting of the ad. That’s all I’m saying.

      Enyewe that Colgate Herbal advert … mssssccccheeeewwwwww! Afadhali the SA one with kids in class.

    • Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:05 pm

      They say halooooooo in that colgate advert to signify they feel free about their fresb breath. What I would have appreciated however, is if they were saying Haloooooo in a Matatu. That way those like me who are not yet lucky tobuy a car can judge how fresh teh breath is!

      My point is: Who cares what you do in a bush!

    • Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 12:35 pm

      and the funny one for TOSS of that boy who the teacher thinks he is in form 4 only for him to say he is in form 1, i like the way the teacher asks…’how many years have you been in form 1″….you will get it if you have listen to this advert…..

  3. Posted by Godfrey on March 24, 2010 at 6:03 am

    That Sona moja ad is tooooo long. The first time I saw it, I thought it was a drama show or something.

  4. Posted by hotstepper on March 24, 2010 at 6:09 am

    The dettol adverts are the worst kwanza that line “if i dont care of him who will” is just pathetic!
    And of course the TAGA MAYAI one from YU that i love to hate,Ireally pity that man’s kids.

    • There’s a dettol advert that’s been copy-pasted, only that there’s a Kenyan V/O.

      Sasa, why couldn’t they talk to people like Swaleh/Nimrod/Ali Manzu/Ali Mtenzi etc etc to tell them the Swa version of germs? Tsk! Halafu that advert ni ya West Africa.

  5. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 24, 2010 at 6:32 am

    If there are ads i admire, they’re on cnn…perfection!

    Moving on! Does harpic pay 2 hav its ads aired when am eating…i aint gonna see it u dumb fucks! And if ur want product credibility, show the real cleaned toilet…the one u really visited, not the new shiny template toilet with the marble floor…ever noticed that anyone?

    I think the ribena bursting berry ad is on point. The delmonte one, ‘fruits are chosen….’ outright creepy!

  6. Posted by Hourglass on March 24, 2010 at 7:38 am

    Fresh fredie was doing super great with th toothpaste ad….we all loved hm.whatever hapened 2 hm?

    The ad wit juacali sayin ‘niaje beshte ya karo’ is th most irritating…

  7. Posted by sinamon on March 24, 2010 at 7:53 am

    the delmonte ad: who on earth wants to devour talking fruits???? sounds like they are in a cult that calls for mass suicide, “pick me, pick me!!!”

    loathe the dettol ad with the depressed chic with bad skin, get a life!!!!! we have major issues to deal with, if u hate your skin donate it to idi amin!!

    love the yu taga mayai one, neva gets old. :))))))

  8. Posted by Mkenya on March 24, 2010 at 8:01 am

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD People! What about the that sleezy, low ass advert of bread that shows a man eating soaked up bread falling off a woma’s clothes? ati you take a chic to uhuru park and blow her a bread “”CAKE””” for happy birhtday! WTF!!!!!! Even the dooomed General Ayani Mathenge from Ethiopia made greater TV viewership than this piece of shit! Get if off my screen, idiotic, creepy, sleezey mind ad agency!

  9. Posted by Kubaff on March 24, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Now many of the electronic media ads in this country are simply run-off-the-mill. One of the major reasons is that there is a dearth of creativity in Kenya – that is, in the ad agencies. That is why oftentimes our arts and theatre scene is a desert when it comes to pulling mass audiences. Churchill still has no equal and if the NTV? comedy talent show last year was anything to go by, the funny ones have not yet been born.
    Coming back to the ads, nay, commercials. First, the idea of cutting and pasting foreign (esp SA) ads in Kenya sucks. Why don’t the darned multinationals want to nurture local talent? When the companies decide to do an ad locally, the agencies go for their friends and cronies, leaving out genuine talent. The Safaricom’s ones both on radio and TV used to be novel but have nowadays become monotonotous due to recycling the same concepts. The Dettol ones are crap – yes – kwanza the “if I don’t care of him bla bla bla line. Masically, almost all soaps and detergents ads are sub-standard coz’ of trying madoido mob and copying foreign concepts. This is is just the curtain raiser for me. Thanks Ed for this and as I said we are on a media revolution right here!

    • Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:10 pm

      Kubaff is not so stupid after all!

    • Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 6:20 pm

      you know many in UG has been using their celebs to advertise for their brands, what happens to kenya….safaricom is one mean company when it comes to using the celebs in their ad and i thin it should do more……..ama maybe the former advertising guru also left for stato…..who knows…..

  10. Posted by c.n on March 24, 2010 at 9:45 am

    do you rem the zain advert that had 3 chiqs imitating the beyonce the put a ring on it clip!! aaaauuuuwwwi! speak of humour/disaster all in one!

    A methusela ad on TV is the hedex ad! and i quote “……a headache feels like a hammer pounding inside your head, you need fast relief bla bla bla ” that ad has been around

  11. Posted by Pearl on March 24, 2010 at 10:28 am

    Kwanza that ka ad for herbal sijui what should be scrapped asap. the most annoying being the royco one its soo out of touch kwani walidoo hizi adverts wapi? we want to see the ‘kenyans’ doing such ads remember the famous omo with the matha wa fish ?
    Dont get me started on the juicy fruit ones with pple running all over whats the connection??
    The ever ready one of the kawachie sleeping and leaving the torch swinging on the ka tree.. that was and still is a classic one as far as am concerned.

  12. Posted by me :) on March 24, 2010 at 11:29 am

    best ads that used to grace our screens were the trust ads of back in the day,kwanza the dreadlocked guy at the train station making all kenyan women weak in the knees, mmmh and the TDH mechanic who just oozed sex. bring those back and toss that colgate beaver to hell.

    • Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:14 pm

      Those Trust commercials were banned coz the Board (Where the heck do those people sit!) decided that they were too vulgar. …WTF! Who said we are angels! I agree with you on one thing…. they were classic.

      • Posted by me :) on March 25, 2010 at 7:49 am

        so for now that means we r stuck with that crap adam and eve “its me, its you” .

        who is the freaking board anyway, are they the same fucks thats banned that kenyan horror????

      • Posted by Miss Bebes on March 25, 2010 at 1:25 pm

        The very same ones I suppose!

      • Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 12:41 pm

        ni mavirgos….who else can they be….

  13. Posted by GossipGirl on March 24, 2010 at 11:58 am

    That shiny skinny tourist sculpture in the dettol cool ad… They couldn’t find a better looking boy??

    Best ads..kenchic..that old man acting all ninja trying to get his chicken..CLASSIC! And the radio one… ‘In my father’s haoos theaa are maneey..? SHEEKEN! Fisuuuri!’ To this day that one finishes me!

    Ed Note What goes CRUCK CRUCK CRUCK Around the house!

    In my father’s farm there are many? LOL

    • Posted by Precious on March 24, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      best one. the Kiss fm/ Classic Fm one on omo back to school..either ulete kamba ama ukuje uchukue mtoto….tokeni mutafute skuru fees!!!

  14. Posted by shy on March 24, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    people, you forgot the valon one. who the FUCK gives his or her mama a birthday gift of humongous valons, nkt!!!!

    Ed Note LIKE FOUR KILOS!!!! Seriously, kwani she runs a wanking school or something

  15. Posted by sinamon on March 24, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    who remembers the advert for tinga tinga clothes or other on channel 64 (KTN ya them days)?
    “what is this tinga tinga ting? let me tell you sth……” had a jamaican vybe to it but still good.

  16. Posted by Atwech on March 24, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    I think Crown ad z the bomb cnt stop singing along… As for duracoat that marangi dude pisses the periods outta me…nktest

    ed note WHAAAA!!! Noma!

    • Posted by sinamon on March 24, 2010 at 1:27 pm

      the crown advert missed the target, the only pple i know who like it are under 10’s like my daughter.

    • Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:32 pm

      I hum along to that advert every day! This morning my boss was humming to it too…. It is infectious.

      Hehe Marangi pisses teh periods out of you LMFAO! Atwech, welcome to Media Madness!

  17. Posted by Unseen on March 24, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Who remembers the “Good Morning” cough cyrup commercial … what is so good about this morning? That one was good! And that old man has aged gracefully! Dude is still as handsome. Damn! I am Old!

  18. Posted by bells on March 24, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    LOL !!!! you guys kill me . You forgot the fair and lovely one . some depressed chick who could not get a job because shes dark. so she bleached and wonders of wonders ! got the dream job . thousands of innocent girls bought endless tubes of fair and lovely …… still unemployed .
    you forgot where miss jiggers cooks a table food of food with kasuku . after all that mboching and deep frying there is not eve an ounce of sweat on her face
    the girl who puts a peg on her brother’s nose ……..NKTEST!

  19. Posted by Miss Bebes on March 24, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I will watch TV tonight and bring you more tomorrow! If you can wait!

  20. Posted by Atwech on March 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    that Trust ad with the two love birds kwa bush used to turn me on vimejaaa…..ama its only me?

  21. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 24, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Waaaaa am dying! 2 much LMAOs. That valon ad was bullshit, ati wanking skul, haha.
    Atwech, where’ve u bn all this time!

    The trust ad for ‘uki freak bila socks, no diggity ume trip’…..who the fuck made that? Some old.skul kibaki-retarded geezer trying 2 be hip?

  22. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 24, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Who’s noticed that the omo door to door thing has only mathees, kwani dudes dont wash? …and why do they all have un-opened 500gm packets of omo….talk about staging a promo! Laaame unilever!

    Then theres this ad for a vicks-like product where a goalie rubs some of that shit theyre adverting(which was so whack i 4got its name) then takes a penalty…and then the crowd goes ‘sshhh!’ . Wtf? The players on the pitch are old with vitambis, no wonder they need such meds!

    • Posted by giks on March 25, 2010 at 1:52 pm

      How come that jamaa in the door to door ad never visits us (or has anyone been visited?) especially when one is on leave and broke?

      • Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 6:25 pm

        never….kwanza i have been keeping satchets for 4 all of them just in case……

  23. Posted by Atwech on March 24, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Mwaxxist i strongly recomend that ‘taga taga mayai’ guy for the omo door to door ad he might as wel show us his launderin prowes (to redeem himself )…. Singing to kukus for national broadcast that guy has sm nerves…….ROFLMAO

  24. Posted by Lentils on March 24, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    I miss the dancing atm ad! Was it for barkilay? And the nicest ads for lotion remain the one for mrs moi for venus de milo and princess patra! In random news i hear the advert for scotts emulsion is making kids slow coz when scotty jumps back into the ocean so do many kids… Onto concrete floors 🙂

    Ed Note Tihihi

    • Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 6:27 pm

      ‘……princess patra let ur beauty talk for you…..’ then there was the hairglo one which i also used to love…those days ads meant something actually…..

  25. Posted by GossipGirl on March 24, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    That valon ad has serious credibility issues.. The candles on that birthday cake say she’s 45. REALLY? She has grown up kids who in turn have kids, one of whom looks like he’s knocking on puberty’s door, and she’s FOTE FAE?? So she got her first period at 3 and her first child at 5?

    Ed Note LOL!!! Mr ribs are aching hahahahaha yenyewe! You have a point

    • Posted by Kubaff on March 25, 2010 at 8:36 am

      That’s what we are talking about. Commercials that are done without thinking through scripts, concepts etc. The ad agency so called creative types specialise in imbibing kiruru from Mon to Sun. Ati that makes them hot. Shait!!

  26. Posted by vunja mandazi on March 24, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Yes mama! SOFT! I sooo totally loved that. why does uniliver retain the badones?

  27. Posted by Lentils on March 24, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Caro! Caro! Not even carol! Ga! Orange wamenoa! Ringtones do not a man make. Aki this will sound strange but i like the ad for shake the flavoured milk drink. The one where the puppets sing ‘i gotta six pack! Show me your six pack!’

    Ed Note The song is catchy

  28. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 24, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Aaah lentils, dancin atm…classic! Ad 4gotten that (no thanx 2 kush)
    @gossipgirl, i like ur keen eye for ad blunders.
    Heres one, the dettol ad where the kids ball falls in dirty water n cant go get it, then the makmende kid jumps in…..notice that he kicks the ball TOWARDS his buddys… while IN water…and the ball is DRY, the water dznt even splash on the other tois

  29. Posted by Gin on March 24, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Mwaxxist, the fake part in that ad is where his mom smiles at him….ati wharrt? Ai, kiboko mara moja! Unless she’s not a real ghetto mathe- considering mtoi wake anaplay huko mjengo!

  30. Posted by Mwaxxist on March 24, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Hahaha….true kabisa Gin

    i was at the making of the jua cali orange ad, those peeps had serious filming equipment bt script ilikua down 2 sana!

    Kwanza this wkend am at the animation expo for ad producers….nijionee hao mafala who do these crapy ads

  31. Posted by Miss mboch on March 24, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Aha!ha!u guys made me laugh til av started menstratin b4 my days!da BEST ad ever was dat of toss’eh kijana 4 how long hav u been in form one,my mum was a headmistres then n she just culdnt help laughn!
    WORST!dat s.a advert wea a fat boy chases a fat chicken n gvs it 2 his fat mom!ever noticed the two hens he chases n catches r two different,talk of makmende lies!

  32. Posted by Gatz on March 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    What about the radio presenter who is told he has ten seconds b4 he goes on air then his stomach has issues but after taking eno he gets sorted out..makes me wonder kwani how fast does eno work,n then this one i love- the always ad with school gals n their teacher singing check check..upto 8 hours long..i love the way they gyrate their small hips..

  33. Posted by Mia on March 25, 2010 at 7:05 am

    Miss mboch u jst made my freakin cold morning !!Kwanza me thinks that is the real mama of that boy..they soo look alyk!
    Why on Gods green earth wud any1 make an Ad lyk the Ariel Ad..?!Ati kina mama hawa bla bla…ad rather watch tafrija or the mexican soaps..nkkest!it reaaly gets into my nerves i feel lyk smashing that dude makmende face!
    As for the Orange Bunda thing….hit snooze button!

    • Posted by Pearl on March 25, 2010 at 8:35 am

      kwani where did they get the mama’s in the Ariel advert ?? ju wako down tuu sana

  34. Posted by GossipGirl on March 25, 2010 at 7:33 am

    Auuwi Gatz… Paedophilia much?

  35. Posted by me :) on March 25, 2010 at 7:54 am

    for those of us who had to suffer the painful cornrows on sundays for school monday morning i will never ever forget “as long as u dax me thats allright”

    not so sure if it was a kenyan ad tho…

    Ed Note Twist me, braid me….as long as you dax me, that’s alright!!! Classic ad

    • Posted by Unseen on March 25, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      Twist Me, Braid me, Anyway you like me as long as you Dax me, that’s alright

  36. Posted by GossipGirl on March 25, 2010 at 8:00 am

    I’m totally revealing my age here..but who remembers the ad for ‘white rose VIP drycleaners’?

  37. Posted by Pearl on March 25, 2010 at 8:38 am

    does anyone remember the standard advert.. people, politics, sports and colour pics, …… …. was a fav waaaayyy back when

  38. Posted by fifi on March 25, 2010 at 11:21 am

    who remembers dat advert for Lifebouy? about Nagila(a boxer)……then there was a boxing ring…enyewe this is really classic…..

  39. Posted by me :) on March 25, 2010 at 11:25 am

    what abt the easy fm ads?????

    • Posted by julz on March 25, 2010 at 1:59 pm

      upuzi tupu! nonsense!kubaff! so annoying! where did easy interview this mboches. nkkkkkkt

  40. Posted by Gin on March 25, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Shoot guys, going down memory lane like that?! Some people will need a box of tissues after reading this. Go easy on the classics. Remember its all about ranting on the mboff ads.

  41. Posted by me :) on March 25, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    i seriously watched telly to get some fodder for this blog and i found the oddest ad for some random painkillers where this footballer has this tight plasticky headband on(i wonder why he has the headache) and he swallows the tabs and heads back for more head squeezing footie action……..HONESTLY…NKTiest

  42. Posted by hassan mohammed on March 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    There is something seriously wrong with our promo companies; keenly check the Nyambane’s advert and you’ll realise that the floor parterns and the stains on atleast four different toilets, three in Nai and one in Kisumu are the same. The same applies to the position and shape of the stain. N next is the Omo dirt’s good campaign, the hen dropped by the lady is not the one picked up by the fat kiddo after a sprited chase. I feel SICK!!!!

  43. Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    my daughter asked me which animal is Mr Beever i said its a the squirrel….what else was i to say? i have never even seen a beever in the first place….halafu…why is it that when one person does an advert the competitor has to do a veery similar one eg the OMO and Ariel? what happens to advertising…..the problem is…most of the manufacturing companies fled the Kenyan market….they went to Egypt, so most of the adverts are done from their H/O and kenya just sends the tapes (or whatever it is stored in) and poop the ad is on TV…….

  44. Posted by Anita on March 26, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    i looove Louis the Pest…only that doom has to Kill him………

  45. I like the Shake Flavored Milk ad, the I See Colors ad and the Its Me/Its You Trust ad. I think what all these ads have is a catchy tune and at least they have direction. Supermarket chains seem like they’re trying to outdo each other with terrible ads. Kwanza the Tuskys ones with OJ and the 1 with Omosh. But the worst one must be the Naivas (I think) one, where a woman enters a TV, the horror speaks for itself. Kwanza I thought ads sourced models. From the little knowledge I have of modeling picked up from ANTM, no way in hell that chick is a model. Then there’s an ad which I saw being played while How To Be Rich was on, I think its for Pan African Life. There’s a dude standing in a field with his arms raised beside him. I dunno what he’s waiting for cos the ad ends before it happens. I dunno financial stuff so maybe they need to dumb it down for us, maybe it means something. Scratching my head didn’t help. Newspapers I thought should have really creative people, but the worst ads are paper ads, especially for The Standard…and the Nation…and the…its all of them

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